


The inner thoughts of a teenage girl

by Cizzybell



Category: not a fandom, swag - Fandom
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-17 13:21:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28600599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cizzybell/pseuds/Cizzybell





	The inner thoughts of a teenage girl

Silence.  
Sitting alone as the light from my computer screen floods my eyes. 11:27am, hours have passed since you dragged yourself out of bed, determined not to have yet another day of subtle light and a quiet and warm yet imprisoning bed. You sit waiting for another zoom call with the label of a class. The lack of learning in said classes makes me doubt the credibility of this whole online school thing. Your teacher's words become slurred in your mind, your thoughts are just so much louder than their words could ever be. Anxiety, a word used far too loosely in your generation. Is there more wrong with me than I care to mention? maybe, but who knows, I'll never tell anyone about what my brain says to me not even when it takes my reasoning behind living. 

"what is your dream job" aka what the fuck are you going to do with your life. Who knows. I'm not even 16 and that question is one I've heard since 3rd grade. President, model, Fashion designer, interior designer, Lawyer, Law professor, Psychologist, Programmer, Famous, Anything but famous, whatever pays me enough to give my money away and still stay afloat in a country that hates those without enough to go to the Bahamas every other week. At this point I'm just cruising until maybe I find something to do with my life that won't make me want to die young. I hope maybe I'll find a passion eventually. Passion, quite the topic for highschoolers. Dating, drugs, sex. The main topics of drama or conversation amongst the screen hypnotized youth, I say as one of them. Dating is something that has lost a large amount of appeal to me, maybe its the trust issues or the fact I still talk to my ex. My ex, dated him for a year, I dumped him 2 years ago. I kissed him a moth ago. He's bad for me but he's kind and funny. Two things that keep me tangled so deeply in his life. The internet has attempt to make me venture away from him, weather it's Willow, a beautiful girl that I've been talking to for a year but painfully lives exactly 2,879 miles away from me. Not only her but a guy too, Dean, who lives 2,059 miles away. I met dean over discord, after just a day of talking we had already exchanged snapchats and instagram handles. We have talked every day since. He's a tiktok boy though so I'll try my best not to get attached because when does that ever end well. Tiktok aka the biggest and most popular timesuck of our generation, I've had tiktok since it was musically and you had to hide the app to avoid getting bullied by even your close friends.

It feels like the world was so bright before Covid. At this point I'm just a droid that does as they're told to avoid the little freedom they have left from getting stolen. A country in shambles around me as I sit with headphones over my ears just to silence the pain that I hear daily. I can't listen to it anymore. I check my grades just to see if I'm safe from my teacher's pursuit or not. I'm fucked. 2 F's and a C, maybe I'll just flunk out of highschool like my brother did, It'll make my life easier until im an adult and can't get a job. 2 tests, 3 pages of notes, 10 art assignments. You'd think it would be easy to sit down and just get these things done, but why would I spend my time on art when I want to learn about what's happening in the world around me and just try to make a difference. my phone lights up, two texts from dean. He wants to call me. Is it too early for him to see the dark side of my personality? What if he decides to leave after hearing the only things I read are things with the capability to make me cry, just to feel a bit more than I do now. It doesn't matter what emotions I feel if i'm simply just feeling something. I feel like the other young burnouts my understand me. soaring through elementary and middle school easily. Highschool hits like a cement wall, I don't know how to study, I start to fail but my perfectionism drags me down. So what if my IQ is high, how's that going to help me survive highschool?


End file.
